What is it about Hardee’s that makes you ever return? It must be the forgiveness factor inherent in Southerners. Or maybe a little bit of regional pride. After all, Hardee’s was the the South’s first fast food chain. Hardee’s has good fried chicken, honest to God southern elixir, sweet tea, and according to their commercials (and my taste buds), homemade biscuits. Just writing about those biscuits makes me want to head to Hardee’s. And don’t forget, it was a long time NASCAR sponsor with a car and a race long before corporate America and Wall Street discovered NASCAR.
The other thing Hardee’s has is Southern service. I’m not talking about that "yes ma’am" "y’all come back" service, but that "we’ll get to it when we’re ready" Southern service. Com’ on, you Southerners, you know what I am talking about it. We all have those special service suppliers who we tolerate despite constantly being disappointed by them. They’re like our eccentric uncle or aunt, who says anything that crosses their mind and typically does at the worst possible time, but we still love them. If you ever eat at Hardee’s, you know the service ain’t lightning quick, but they do have good food and it’s usually worth the wait.
Yesterday, I was headed to the 55 + neighborhood near Virginia Center Commons where I am the site agent. I normally like to arrive there a little before noon so that I can put out my "open" flags and also do a little stage setting on the model. This morning, I was low on gas so I got off at the Parham exit of I-95 to fill up. Knowing there was a Hardee’s around the corner on Route 1, I decided I’d go through their drive through. Besides it was only 11:40 and even with Hardee’s notoriously slow service I figured I had plenty of time.
As I pulled into the drive through there was already a car at the order box, whose order was quickly taken. I pulled up and also got my order taken promptly, too. It was then that I saw there were 3 cars in front of me, but since it was only 11:42, even if I waited 10 minutes I figured I could still be at my post by noon. The first indication that today might be a little different was at 11:45 when the driver of car # 2 (and I ain’t talking about Rusty Wallace) got out of this car and jumped up and down a little. I figured he was just stretching his legs. At 11:48 when he got out of his car again and asked car # 3 (and this wasn’t Dale Earnhardt) to back up and let him out, I just figured we must have some impatient Yank who’d never experienced the Hardee’s wait. Anyway, didn’t his departure just insure I’d be taken care of sooner? I was # 3 now.
At 11:52 I thought "Boy, that must be some order car # 1 is getting." Since it was a pick’em up truck, I guessed he was getting lunch for his whole crew. Surely it couldn’t be much longer, because there were hardly any cars in the parking lot. It was then that I had a flashback to a month earlier when I had ordered in at this same Hardee’s and had experienced a wait of about 10 minutes.
Okay, there goes car # 1 with his one bag and one drink. A few minutes pass and car # 2 departs. Also a small order. I’ll be headed north soon I thought, as I pulled up to the window with my exact change ready. When I handed the cashier my money, I glanced at the clock and it was now 11:56. So what, I’ll be 5 minutes late and this experience will make just make for more fodder when I joke about Hardee’s service with some good ole boys.
Now that I’ve got a clear view inside through the drive in window, I can see there’s only 1 cashier at the counter plus the cashier handling the drive through window. Typical Hardee’s with only 1 counter cashier I mused, since I was sure if I went across the street to the McDonald’s I would have found at least 3 counter cashiers at their post since at least 11:30 for the lunch rush. 11:58 there goes a different employee who looks like she’s on bathroom duty, since she was carrying a roll of paper towels. You just know there’s no Hamburger College for Hardee’s like at McDonald’s!
Since the radio is tuned to WRVA a sole bell begins to toll for the VA Tech Victims. Boy, that makes you think as the bell tolls on and on. Soon a different employee appears from the back and takes a position beside the chicken and biscuit station. He’s not doing anything, he’s just standing there. Must be on break. The drive through cashier assists the counter cashier distributing a few orders. Of course, I am ready to explode. For even Hardee’s this is unbelievable.
I mutter a few goosefahbahs (you know, from Adam Sandler’s movie, Anger Management) and actually begin to entertain the thought that I’ll walk inside and confront the manager. What I’ll need for this confrontation will be some validation of my actual wait as I watch the drive through cashier post a few order slips above the food distribution area. Ah hah, there’s my proof. Hopefully, she’ll place my slip inside my bag with the order. Surely that slips must be time dated from when I placed my order some 20 minutes early.
From the radio, the Rush Limbaugh theme begins as the drive through cashier finally hands me my order. If you’re a Rush listener then you know it is 7 minutes past the hour. I quickly glance in my bag, but don’t see my desired proof to go confront the manager. Besides I’m really late now and I need to wolf this food down so that I arrive at my new home site running. As I maneuver my way up Route 1, cursing each traffic light, I reach the bottom of my food bag and feel a piece of paper. There it is my VALIDATION - actual proof of the time warp that Hardees has held me in. I rip it from the bag only to discover the time date reads 11:56.
Now, wait a minute. Hardee’s couldn’t time stamp things by when you paid for them, could they? You’d never get anyone through the drive through, if the order wasn’t started until your reached the window. And this really wasn’t a receipt since it didn’t show any prices just items. Maybe this is a Hardee’s corporate strategy to postdate everything so it looks like you didn’t really wait. Or maybe those 2 stoners who are featured in Hardee’s current radio commercials are really part of the management team. I need to do some further investigation on this. I think I’ll hit Hardee’s tomorrow for their 2 egg bacon and cheese biscuit special for $2.22. You know they only charge me a 25 ¢ for my senior coffee!