Brick’s Blog

      Do you remember that Seinfeld episode, where Jerry has reserved a rental car and when he arrives to pick it up, the rental car company is out of cars? It leads to a shtick about how the rental car company knows how to take the reservation, but it is in honoring the reservation that the company has a problem. Well, that’s how I felt Sunday.

      I was out of fish oil capsules. Since I am a connoisseur of such things and my Nordic Naturals - Omega 3-6-9 aren’t available at anything as mundane at CVS, I knew a trip to the natural food store was on tap. Out in suburbia, our natural food store, Good Foods, is closed on Sundays. Knowing my schedule for the day, I knew I would be passing in the vicinity of Ellwood Thompson and surmised that ET as the area’s 1st natural food store would certainly carry my preferred brand.

     Even though I lived in the City for many years, I sometimes feel like I am entering an alternate universe when I revisit an area I haven’t frequented recently. The strip center where Ellwood Thompson is located is one I knew well. When we lived on Monument Avenue, the Blockbuster there was the one I used. The ABC store is around the corner. There use to be a High’s Ice Cream store there, which you know based on my waistline had to be a favorite. Hall Tree for Windsor Farms discards was another known entity. Ukrop’s, Little Caesar’s, CVS in the adjacent strip were all familiar haunts. When we moved from the City, Ellwood Thompson had only been ensconced there for a few years.

     Arriving near the dinner hour, I was amazed at how dominant Ellwood Thompson had become in this strip center. The cars and the foot traffic wasn’t all to the adjacent Blockbuster as in the past; it was to ET. Ellwood Thompson had become a PLAYER. But enough of that, I need to get this errand done.

     As I entered ET, I see what looks to be a cantaloupe on display, but it’s labeled as an "ambrosia" melon. It’s $2.99 @ pound. If you know me, then you know I am a frugal shopper. I can buy a whole (multiple in season) cantaloupe for this price, but estimating the weight at 2 pounds, knowing I won’t have to make another stop, wanting some fruit with dinner and just plain curious what the hell an ambrosia melon is, I caved to impulse. On to the supplement section and with one inquiry from a helpful clerk, I had my Omega 3-6-9’s and was at the check out. 

     It was then that it hit me. Had I been transported to New Zealand. Was this a Maori convention? All around me - nothing but tattoos and piercings - the clerks, the customers. Boy, what would Jerry do with this and what question would he pose. Let’s see, you very careful what you put in your body, it’s what you put on your body you don’t care about? Just asking.

     Oh, the ambrosia melon? Weighed a tad more than 3 pounds. Was $10. Just a juicer cantaloupe. You know there use to be a vegetable stand down the street from ET on a vacant lot where Floyd ends into Thompson. Do you know how much cantaloupe I could have bought there this time of year for $10?      

    Rally around the flag, boys; I am going to need some cover on this one. Yeah, I know I am a sexist pig. I can’t help it. I was raised one of 4 boys and I now know my mother deserved sainthood, but what is with women and cell phones. Yesterday, I walked into the post office to mail some materials to a new client of mine. If you’re like me than you use the automated station, so as not to get caught in the black hole of the United States Postal Service. The entire time I was at the automated station, a woman at the counter nearby was engaged in an animated cell phone conversation. Frankly, my dear, I am not that interested in the daily minutia that is your life. So biting my tongue, I walked out of the post office only to encounter two more women entering also engaged in loud cell conversations. Seeking the refuge that is my car, I looked over my shoulder while backing out only to find the woman in the automobile on my left was also engaged in cell call. Fortunately, the windows of our cars shielded me from hearing this conversation. By now, the original woman has left the post office and is crossing in front of my car and guess what? She’s still jabbering away. 

     Gals, who are you all talking to? Is there some Mother Ship we men don’t know about? Is Lieutenant Uhura directing you all?  And please, don’t get a Blue Tooth or I really will start believing there is a Uhura Syndrome.

     Do you ever feel like doing a Kramer double take? You know the move, when Cosmo sends his body into a complete flutter in response to comment or situation occurring around him. I know almost weekly I have one of those moments when I feel like I am in a Seinfeld episode. From now on, I hope to transcribe those events when they happen and post them here. Let me give you an example of a Seinfeldian Moment from earlier this year.

     For Christmas, I had received a biography on Ben Franklin by Walter Isaacson. We Virginians often think that the “only” Founding Fathers were Virginians. After reading Isaacson’s book and watching several televised symposiums taped during the 300th anniversary celebration of Franklin’s birth, Franklin now ranks with Washington and Jefferson on my short list of most significant Founding Fathers. Considering I grew up in the Northern Neck of Virginia (birthplace of Washington) and graduated from Mr. Jefferson’s University (UVA), old Ben should be delighted he’s on my personal “Mount Rushmore.” (In case you wondering about the 4th – Robert E. Lee, also born in the Northern Neck. The epitome of a Virginia Gentleman and I’m not referring to the bourbon, but I digress and Lee should be a subject for another time.) 

     Benjamin Franklin retired when he was 42 (1748) and then spent the remainder of his life, another 42 years, in public service. Franklin was the first media mogul who successfully franchised his printing and publishing business throughout the original colonies. In 1753, Franklin was appointed deputy postmaster general of North America by the British crown and reformed the postal service. Within a few years, Franklin had postal deliveries between Philadelphia and New York down to 2 days. Now there’s a true information superhighway. Of course, controlling the pace of communication between the Colonies wasn’t bad for the publishing business!

     It’s a shame today that no one at the U.S. Postal Service has a vested interest like Ben did. At the end of January, I went to the Post Office to pick up stamps for a postcard mailing I was doing. After waiting the perfunctory half hour for a Postal Clerk, I cheerfully asked for 1,000 postcard stamps. The clerk then informed me and did so with a straight face that the Post Office didn’t have any 24 cent stamps, which was the new postcard postal rate as of January 8th. “I could have 1,000 23 cent stamps and 1,000 1 cent stamps.” Excuse me, trying not to go POSTAL, the U.S. Postal Service raises its rate, its 3 weeks past the new rate start date and the Post Office doesn’t have a product for its required new rate? “No, and we don’t know when the new 24 cent stamps will be printed either.”

     Oh, what a time for a Kramer shutter, but being pragmatic, just as my newfound hero Franklin would have, I accepted my 2,000 stamps and the thought of handling each piece of my mailing an additional 1,000 times.