With this weekend being the Chevy Rock & Roll 400, I can’t help not recirculating this old post.

 So you’re thinkin’ about movin’ down South, huh? Here’s a word of advice. We’re serious about that NASCAR. While y’all think it’s just a bunch of guys makin’ left turns all afternoon, we see it as the epic struggle of brave and chivalrous knights in the joust of life. Don’t you ever never say nothin’ bad about NASCAR.

 
     I am not saying you have to follow it, like it, just don’t badmouth it. Look, that ice hockey stuff y’all think is so great; we think it’s like watchin’ paint dry. Ice is for keeping beer “ice” cold, not for slidin’ around on. If it was, we’d have a NASCAR race for that.
 
     Look, you go along to git along. Just learn a little lingo and you’ll be fine. You don’t even need to know what it means. If someone asks you who your favorite driver is, you don’t even need a name. You can say stuff like the “24 car”, “20 car”, “8 car” and they’ll know what you mean. Just make sure the “number” you put before the word “car” actually races on Sunday. And if you don’t ever want to be asked anything about NASCAR ever again, you can just say something like ‘I just don’t follow it since Dale.’ That answer might even bring tears to the eye of your questioner.
 
     Just remember we’ve got 2 Winston Cup (don’t refer to it as Nextel, no self respectin’ Southerner does) races in Richmond every year. One in May and the other in September. The Monday after those weekends, don’t be goin’ into work and complainin’ about RV traffic or askin’ why there were so many ostrich feathered cowboy hat wearin’ folks in town over the weekend. It’s just disrespectful of the King and we ain’t talkin’ about Elvis.